January 24, 2014

Erin Bo Braless

I know some people are lost in time.  In fact, I have never been more aware of this until I moved back home.  I still see mullets....waist high acid wash jeans....blue eye shadow....pancake faced women.....men in their 40's still cheating on their girlfriends with girls in their 20's while standing around the local bar pool table drinking bottled beer.  Total time warp.  But what really cinched it for me today was seeing a car with a bra on it.  Really? 

I'll be the first to admit that I had a Pontiac Sunfire, cobalt blue, with personalized license plates that had twinkly lights flashing around it, a sunroof, Salt & Pepper blasting from the cassette player and a black bra.  Yes.  It's true.  I also had a spiral perm and black kohl eyeliner all the way around my eyes.  But....this was 1987!!!! Come the hell on! It's 2014.  Some shit should be left to die.. Like all of those dead horses above...let them rest in peace.  Please.   

Go braless. 

PS....that car was for sale.  #notbuying

So, let's update.  My landlord crashed my Ladies Brunch in December.  It was so funny to see this crazy, little, Jewish guy to come walking in.  He is truly a hoot.  He's just nuts which is probably why he likes me renting his apartment. But, it was kind of awkward because there were about 15 ladies drinking mimosas & he comes strutting in.  Now that I think about it, I wonder if he was trying to get lucky.....anyway, he made a comment that stuck in my brain.

'It's hard being a woman.  Women care about everything.' 

I didn't really pay much attention at the time because..well....because I was tipsy, but here I am...months later...considering that comment.  He's right.  Being a woman sucks.  Caring about everything is just the icing on our crapcake.  But, such is life. My therapist told me I care too much...more than an average person. I don't think that's great but I don't think its bad either. You should care about life.  You only have one and the things in it are what makes it amazing so please care! However,  there is a lot I don't care about. 

I don't care about people trying to control lives when they can't even control their own.  
I don't care about mean & hateful people who are so judgmental but their lives are full of nothing.
I don't care about people having an opinion on my life because, if you aren't paying my bills, your opinion means nothing.
I don't care that you don't appreciate my sense of humor.  I have one.  All the time.  In good or bad times and you know what? That's one of my favorite things about myself.  Maybe you should do an Amber Alert for your sense of humor.
I don't care that your life is so miserable that you have to attack mine.
I don't care if you don't like me.
I don't care about the past because that's what makes us who we are.
I don't deliberately set out to hurt people but if you hurt me, or attack me, be prepared for a shit storm.  I don't care what people think about that either. 

Moving on.  

I have a new job.  I'm back at Harley loving what I do.  Marketing, Social Media, Events....it's what I'm good at and I love it.  The last job I had that brought me back to NY was crap.  They told me I was too friendly for customer service.  Umm...what?  Really?  They also said I need to learn to think inside the box.  Umm....never.  I'm glad that job brought be home but I'm also glad not to be working there anymore.

I'm in the process of mending my relationship and finding a house.  Both are a lot of work.  But, I forgive people.  I always have.  I'd hate to be someone who doesn't, who holds grudges and who carries it with them their entire life. That shit is poison.  Let it go.  Forgive.  Life's too short.  Besides, everyone makes mistakes and we both did.  But, I don't love lightly.  I haven't had a slew of relationships, I don't throw the words around and when I truly let you in, you're in for life.  He's in.  

Now, I have until the end of May to find a house.  This is causing me a load of stress but, as usual, everything will work out.  

My kid is still amazing.  She graduated college, made the Presidents List, got a scholarship to Mt. Saint Mary's, all the while holding down a job and a relationship.  She is taking on the world with her smile and heart.  I look at other kids her age and am so thankful I raised her right. I'm so stinkin' proud of her.  ❤️������

Im back hanging with my best friend and this makes me very happy.  We have been friends since 6th grade. We grew up and are growing old together.  Like I said...once you're in, you're in.

I'm in love with my dog, Jack.  I've spent a ton of money. Thanks to donations and my wallet, he is now a handsome boy.  I cannot believe anyone would have dumped this love bug.  He's so cute and fun.  I used to be a cat lady...now I'm a dog lady, too.  Maybe I'm just an animal lady.  Who knows?

Anyway.  That's the recap of my life. Having an amazing daughter. Loving my life. Dealing with bullshit..as always.  People being ignorant.  Love always winning.  Loving my job.  Looking forward to the future.  

Plus, it's FINALLY getting warm!  



November 19, 2013

Mostly Dead is Slightly Alive.

I started working again. After 6 months of unemployment, I have to say....I've gotten used to sleeping late, nap time, doing what I want. Working kind of sucks.

But, until I hit lotto or marry a rich Dr, it's something I have to do it. Sigh. 

So, to make up for the fact that I am no longer 'free' and have to answer to 'the man', I find humor.  Always. With everything. In every situation. I find humor....because if I don't, I won't survive.  No, seriously, I won't. I'm convinced that the moment I don't find some glimpse of humor in life, I will be mostly dead.

Luckily for me, new job has about 700 employees. This means TONS of humor ops! Tons.

For example, the lunch lady sounds like the boss slug lady from Monsters, Inc. and I LOVE her. She is always happy, singing, dancing, making jokes...always entertaining. Today she was singing. I had to laugh and tell her she had a wonderful voice. She cackled at me and said 'Oh, no I don't and I don't care. I'm singing anyway.' Her name is Edna but I'm calling her Roz from now on. She's my favorite. Makes me love lunch time even more.

Check out Roz here ➡️  http://youtu.be/RtWBlDC2-ss

Today I was in one of the break rooms eating my lunch. I could have joined the class in the cafeteria but I wanted to be alone. I was in one of those moods today. Anyway, it's dark in this room, there's a couch and the TV is always on The Food Network. I sat on the couch, put my feet up, was slurping down leftover pasta and some girl comes and sits next to me. Ok. That's cool. It's a big couch and she wasn't invading my personal space. She put her iPod on, buds in her ears and was content on her own. Awesome! Until....she starts snoring. Seriously? I love naps, too, but really? Snorey McSnoreson finally woke up and left. I had to giggle. I hope her power nap worked.

Needless to say, there is endless entertainment for me at work. It may not be my dream job but it's better entertainment than people watching at the mall.  I mean, I get paid for this. 


November 16, 2013

Girl with a Dog Blog.

 I'm a cat person. Always have been. I had my first cat, Autumn, when I was like 3 years old and have had a cat ever since. Cats are fresh, independent and particular with people. They are very much like me. In fact, I am pretty sure I've been a cat in one of my many past lives. Mew. 

I've never had a dog. My parents had an Irish Setter when I was in 6th grade. Her name was Maggie. I loved her to death...and then she died...but she wasn't mine. She was cool, though. She would follow me everywhere. I'd take off on my bike headed to swim at the waterfalls and Maggie would always be right beside me. I was heart broken when she died and, for the longest time, I wanted another Irish Setter. Then, for the longest time, I wanted a daughter named Maggie. Then, for the longest time, I wanted a pet named Maggie. Yea. She made an impression. 

Anyway. Then there was Sunny. Sunny was NOT mine. For 2.5 years there was Sunny. I hated Sunny. I was always thinking of ways to get rid of Sunny and made a joke out of it. 'Oops! Sunny got stolen by a hawk!'  'Ooops! Sunny got eaten by a bear!' 'Ooops!' You know...that sort of stuff. Sunny wasn't a dog. Sunny was a hound from hell. She bit my dad, Amanda's friends, the ex, the ex's kid, anyone who came to visit, she would try to bite. She tried to bite me once and I punched her in the mouth. Seriously. She was just the worst dog ever and I'm an animal lover! It was hard for me to hate her..but not that hard. I truly believe she was mental and had no training whatsoever. Thank gawd I finally am rid of her...and her owner. 

See....mental. ⬇️

Now I have a dog. Captain Jack Sparrow. Jack, for short. Jack found me. Funny how life works, huh?    As an old love was walking out of my life, a new love came walking in. This love is better though. Jack will always be loyal, he will never cheat on me, he will love me unconditionally and...for always.  He is so happy when I walk through the door, when I take him for walks, it's like I'm giving him the best gift of his life and when I love or snuggle on him...his face shows sheer joy. It's awesome. Jack is the man in my life.

The dog thing is interesting. It's like I became part of a sub culture..this dog club...that I never knew existed. I walk Jack everyday day and see a lot of other dog club people on my outings. We all connect. Jack wants to play friends with everyone...which is weird because he used to hide from everyone when he was homeless. But, now...forget it. He's a social butterfly. If he makes friends with another dog, that dog's human and I step a little deeper in the dog club. We say hello, we let the pups connect, we small talk and then we move on with a little respect and belonging because we 'know'.

I never got this with Sunny because she hated everyone, humans and dogs. No one wanted to play friends with her and I don't blame them. I didn't even want to play friends with her. But, I tried..and that's all that matters. I spoiled her but I spoil Jack more because I love him.

I don't get him though.  How can you be homeless, eating out of trash cans and avoiding humans for at least 4 months and then turn into this lovebug dog? It's crazy. I wish people were more like dogs. Jack knows that I love him and he loves me right back. It doesn't matter what his past was like....he knows his present and future are all he needs. He seems pretty ok with that. 

I'm still getting used to having a dog. The paw in the face at 6am on the weekend is obnoxious. But, I get up and let him out. The barking at people outside and other animals because he wants to play is annoying.  The putting his junk on my feet or sprawling out spread eagle for the world to see is disconcerting. The loud licking is gross. But....I. Getting used to it. It's weird for me to have something that needs so much attention, too. Cats don't give a shit. I can leave Fred for 3 days and he has no clue I was gone for that long. When I return, he's just like 'Hey. What's up?' He doesn't need constant petting, treats, talking, playing, walking, potty breaks. Cats are like whatever. Dogs are constant. That's gonna take some getting used to, too. Because, through it all, I am still an independent soul.

But, Jack is so stinking cute that its worth it. 

It's funny. Whenever I thought about getting a dog, I wanted an Irish Terrier. I researched them. Saw their little attitudes were just like mine and it'd be a perfect fit. Then the ex talked me into getting a Lab.  We wanted to move to the beach and a lab would have been perfect. He wanted black, I wanted chocolate, we probably would have gotten a yellow. Haha! Somehow I ended up with a Boxer mix. But...he's a combination of all colors so I'm ok with that. He also has soulful eyes and flabby jowls. That's cute.

He's a handsome dog and as soon as he has his surgery on Monday! he will be even more handsome. Jack has bilateral cherry eyes. It's a trait of Boxers. There third eyelid gets infected and needs surgery to correct it. That's why I think someone dumped him. It costs a lot to have surgery. But, through the help of some pretty amazing people, he is getting it. I'm also having his balls chopped off because he's a male. Haha! I'm an injured female so this will give me some sort of sick pleasure. BUT...in reality, he doesn't need to be fathering a tons of opus around town. There's enough of those kind of males around already. Humph.

So, that's my girl with a dog blog. Since I'm starting a new life book, I might as well changed everything up. And...for the record...my assand legs are looking awesome from all this walking! Woot woot! Go dog people. I'm in!


October 20, 2013

Lost Baggage

Well...I'm single, homeless and jobless with a dog, a cat and a chronic disease.  My life really should be a reality show. You can't make this shit up.

Needless to say, I am broken. My heart is in pieces, my dreams have been shredded and my life has been fucked up. Some asshole came along, shook the hell out of the 'Kelly's Life' snow globe and now everything is a mess. 

But it's starting to settle.

I've moved back home to NY and am staying at my friend, Laura's, house. I adopted a homeless dog in Tennessee and named him Jack. He's my best friend now. I took Fred but left Timmy. This broke my heart. I will hopefully have a home by the end of the month.  I will hopefully have a job on November 11th. I will hopefully have insurance on December 1st. I may have lost a lot, but I haven't lost hope. 

Or my sense of humor. 

I started writing this days ago. No...this literary brilliance doesn't always flow like milk. Sometimes it flows like molasses, as it were.

I have a job..yay! I have a rental..yay! Both will go onto effect in November. I will have medical, dental, vision and a 401k again in December...yay! That's a lot of yays..I know. But I need the hold on to this happy so bear with me. The chaotic anger is coming. 

Right now.

October has sucked and it's not over yet. The worst of it all is that this man, who I loved more than anything, has royally fucked me over. Yep. No more yays. The thing that hurts the most is that he doesn't care. The thing that pisses me off the most is me. I have knowingly allowed bullshit to exist for 2.5 years. I cashed out 3- 401k's to rid him of his mothers debt, move into 2 different houses, rent moving trucks, pay off his back owed child support, buy gifts, go on vacations and basically live. I did. I did this. I spent what little money I had for us to exist.  Now...it's gone and I'm broke.

What kills me the most is that he called my dad..my father..and said I stole from him. Haha! What?! Really? Read the above, please. He said I am causing him to lose his job, that I broke things of his when I moved and that I bad mouthed him to his girls. It's the lying that I don't understand because I am not a liar. Never have been.  

He had nothing when I left, it was all mine. He was 'fraternizing with a co-worker' which is against most company policy so that's all him. I don't speak to the one daughter and did tell the oldest that I was leaving. I love her and I wasn't leaving without saying goodbye. After all, I was more of a father to her than her actual father. So...really?

Like I said, I don't get liars. I, unfortunately, get cheaters. That makes sense in my head. It's not right, I am not one but I can see some of the reasons behind being unfaithful. Lying is different. I don't understand the reasons, the whys or anything about it. Just be honest. It's not difficult and, in the end, the truth is easier. I especially don't get the liars who believe their own lies. That's just mental.

So, all in all, I'm feeling pretty ok for getting raped by someone I thought loved me. I went through the crying, the depression, the suicidal thoughts, the weakness, the shock, the loss, the loneliness, the anger, the sadness, the not understanding. Some of it, I'm still going through. I still have outbursts of unexplainable emotion. I burst into tears before I even realize they are in my eyes. It's so unlike me.

I spoke to my 'therapist'. He said that I feel emotion more strongly than most people and that's ok. He said the most important lesson I have learned is that I CAN love completely and with all that I have. That's huge for me. I am a wall builder and rarely let people in. I let a man in 110%. I also learned how to compromise. Which is huge, too. He said that now I am ready for the love of my life to walk in. I wasn't ready before so, for that, I'm grateful. 

I'd like him to wait a while, though. 

I am going to continue getting therapy because it's good for me and I need help with this one. Quite honestly. I'm going to take a writing class at the college. I'm going to start doing yoga and meditating regularly. I'm going to focus on me, for once in my life, and it's going to be exciting. 

But, for now, I'm a high class HO-meless person. I have an iPad, iPhone, car, air mattress, a DVD player, a heater, a dog and a cat. I'd say I'm pretty grateful for the amazing friendships I have. You really see people's true colors when you need help. I've seen a rainbow from both expected and unexpected people. From that I've learned to be humble, grateful and that I am worthy of love.

After all the exhausting bullshit, I can honestly say I am not surprised by these turn of events nor do I regret them. I am glad I had hope, tried and gave the best I could give. I'm going to be ok. Better, most likely. 

It's just going to take time....and some of my humor that I haven't lost. I will rely on that.

But, the baggage can be lost....because sometimes it's meant to be. Yea. 


September 16, 2013

I'm weird.

Whoever said love was easy.....wait....did anyone ever say love was easy? If so, they are lying. So are the couples who say they never argue, fight, get angry, etc etc. Every couple and every relationship is hard work. I dont care who you are. If it were easy, the divorce rate wouldn't be so obscene.

Whoever said love was grand..well, they were only talking about when its going grand. Whenever its going stinky..well, then love stinks. Love can be many things but its always a mixture of good and bad. I'm figuring that out. 

But, I'm not a runner. I used to be. When I was in high school. When I was supposed to be. But, not now.  Now I value love and respect the emotion. I can't say I've been in love a lot but I can say that this time matters to me. All of its imperfections are what makes it work. Strangely enough.

At least it works for now. Haha! I reserve the right to bail and move to France at any given moment though.

Speaking of France, here's a conversation I just had with my daughter via text. PS..she loves France.

Her: Guess what?
Me:  You're a monkey and I'm not?
Her:  No. I volunteered for the book fair.
Me:  Nice! You & Nona are the big volunteers. Now I feel like I have to volunteer for something.
Her:  Do it!
Me:  I'm too busy.
Her: OMG. Haha. no, you aren't.
Me:  Yes, I am! Right now I am walking Sunny and looking for peacocks!
Her:  Looking for peacocks? In Tennessee? Oh, honey.  I've got to get you out of there. You're losing it.

Then I stopped for a minute and thought...I am losing it. I forget people do not live in my mind. This causes me to have conversations that would, legally, make me certifiable. All you really need is two witnesses.  

My blood sugar dropped to 28 the other night. In typical Diabetes fashion, I was yelling, screaming and mean. Thankfully, the paramedics showed up and the entire neighborhood was there to witness their arrival. 

Obviously, I am still alive. 

The next day, I was outside and the neighbor came over. A cute old man named Bill. He asked if I was ok and I told him the Diabetic story.  He said 'I couldn't tell if that was you screaming or if it was the peacocks.' I said 'Peacocks?' He said 'Yes. They live in those trees across the street by the field.' 

Two things popped into my head simultaneously. I sound like a peacock and I want to find them. So, in my head, I totally make sense...and I'm on a mission.  Haha! I didn't find them today but when I do, I'm totally naming one 'Kevin'.

I'm so weird. 

I wonder if cats can see ghosts. Fred..who I think is losing his eyesight and is a fatty..will stare at the wall for hours on end. Just stare like there is something there. Then Timmy..who is an alien...will be sitting on the couch looking at me, then jerk his head and stare at the ceiling. Yes, I look and no, there is nothing there. 

What the hell are they looking at?!? Or what the hell do they hear?? Creepy kits.

You know what else is weird? The houses that have the stars on them. What does that mean? Is it some sort of cult? Are they aliens, too? What? Those stars go right along with the yard flags. What are those? Why are they necessary? Why don't they have a yard flag with a star on it?! You know..kill two birds. 

Actually, there are a ton of yard flags in my neighborhood and I'm glad. I wouldn't know what season or holiday it was without them.  Hell, I wish they would have 'Days of the Week' ones because I don't know that either. 

Today is Wednesday. Right? Yea...I'm seeing all those annoying 'Hump Day' commercials on my Facebook newsfeed. 

People need to be more original. I need 'Days of the Week' underwear.


September 10, 2013

Hey, It's Ok....

Looking at my life, I just realized that I typically have lost jobs in May and have gotten new jobs in October. Maybe the same will ring true for TN. Because, seriously, I'm thinking TN may have been a mistake.

I did NOT want to move here. Living my future in Abe's past was not appealing to me. But, he missed his kids & family and, in a moment of weakness, I said 'Forget Myrtle Beach, lets go to Maryville.' Here I am...4 months into it, I still don't have a job, money or a best friend. 

I don't feel like this is my home.

It's funny because I did this for him and he's fine. He's got a job, his family, his friends, his kids. Although, after two years of his kids making him feel horrible in NY, they never come over or call him. I don't understand. But, whatever. He's fine. I'm the one struggling. Our life was this shit in NY. I had my family, friends, a job I loved and a great house. I was happy.

I hate our house here. It's gross. I don't like the people. I love Abe's family and my Mom is here so that's good. But, we are more broke than ever and I'm not used to that. At all. 

I think I'm depressed.

BUT! My favorite season is coming and I lit my first Autumn candle today. Le sigh. Hopefully, Autumn will make me happy, I'll get a job I love and everything will be ok. 

In other news, I still want to live by the beach. Thankfully for me, so does Abe!! Haha! Eventually, people, eventually. I'm pretty sure I won't ever sit next to some old man in a dentist office and hear him say 'I think we'll have groundhog for supper.' by the beach. Seafood, maybe, but not road kill.


Keeping calm and moving on.....

PS...can we be over the 'Keep Calm' bs. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me remain calm. It makes me want to punch the person that posted that crap. 

I found on Pinterest....my fun time waster...that Glamour has and '' Hey, It's Ok... ' board. Love it and am stealing the idea. 

Here's my version of 'Hey, Its Ok....'

That I am excited for the new seasons of Survivor and American Horror Story. 

That some days I stay in my pjs all day. I'm unemployed and have nothing to dress up for! It's also ok to not wear make up, have a dirty house and put my hair in a sloppy bun.

That I told Oreo my 'Double Stuf' looked like regular Stuf and I was disappointed! They are sending me a gift! Fatty is getting a reimbursement coupon! 

That I love autumn but don't like pumpkin flavor crap like my daughter and my cousin.

That I'm going to be 45 and am starting to age. I've seen what a lot of people my age look like and I'm not doing so badly! 

Feel free to share your 'Hey, It's Ok..' thoughts. 


September 5, 2013

Sonic September

Abe & I went to Sonic the other night for milkshakes. Sonic has half price shakes on Thursday after 8pm. I'm a fatty and I'm broke so I gotta hunt down the deals!!

Well, we were 5 minutes early so we had to wait. Sonic is like the mall. If you sit there long enough, you find a plethora of people that you can make fun of. Guess what we did? Yep. Chose our victims. Who that night happened to be a table full of overly large people. Abe starts it by saying 'What do you think the combined weight of that table is?' I suck at anything containing numbers so I just shrug. He starts talking in his funny voice that I love 'Umm..I'd like 4 cheeseburgers, 5 fries, 4 coney dogs, some tots and a Diet Coke.' I laugh because the Diet Coke thing is just absurd. So is Abe's voice. He uses it for the cats, the kids, everyone. I'm going to Vine it one of these days. Anyway. The next thing we know, a chubby redneck pulls up next to us and starts to order.  Guess what he ordered? Yep. Multiple cheeseburgers, chili cheese tater tots, jalapeƱo poppers and a Route 44 Diet Dr. Pepper. I died.

Abe forgot we were in the South. Southerners drink Dr. pepper.

At 8p, I pushed the button and we, the hypocritical fatty's, ordered our shakes. Abe wanted a chocolate peanut butter shake, I wanted a twist. In NY you can order a half & half shake or a twist. Either way, they know its 1/2 chocolate and 1/2 vanilla. I didn't want to confuse the poor Sonic girl but it was inevitable.  Here is our conversation. Now..read her response with a THICK southern accent....

'Can I have a half chocolate and half vanilla shake, please?'
'Ummm...you want half chocolate and half vanilla?'
'I don't know if I can get half of chocolate and half of vanilla in the cup.'
'Just mix em together. Pour half vanilla in and then half chocolate. It's easy.'
'Umm...I'm not sure I can't make it half.'
'It doesn't matter. I just want them both mixed together.'
'Ok. Umm...half chocolate and half vanilla?'
'Yes. Just try your best.'

I turn to Abe and say 'Really?' So, now neither one of us know what the hell I will get. We are giggling at the situation and this young girl comes walking up with our shakes. I was a little disappointed that she wasn't wearing skates but I didn't have a lot of faith in this girl anyway. Skates would probably send her over the edge...shakes apparently did. She comes up to my window and says 'I put a little chocolate on the bottom and vanilla on top. Is that right?' I said 'Yes, that's fine. Thanks.'

Bless her heart.

What the eff was so difficult about that? 

I can't believe its already September. Wth happened to August? I think I have slipped into some sort of depressing recluse phase. I haven't done my hair in about a month. I barely put make up on. I still shave my legs every day, though, so there's hope. I'm not complaining because Fall is coming. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Fall. It's my favorite season. I love the leaves, the cool, crisp air, the smell, the lack of asshole Mosquitos. I also love Halloween and Thanksgiving. I am complaining because I wil be turning 45. 45!!! FUCK! I am still unemployed, getting lazier and always broke.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who the hell that was staring back at you? I do. Never in my life did I imagine my life would be like it is today. In fact, its so far off its laughable. I'm on a bowling team, FFS!! Yep. Bowling. 'Thats How We Roll' is our name and I'm the handicapper. WTH?! I'm a handicapper?!

I don't own a home, I don't have a job, most of my 401k has been spent on moving cross country and otherwise, I don't have medical insurance, I need to lose 20 pounds and gawd. I'm exhausted.

Whoa...I just totally went I to psycho mode. I need chocolate....and a fluffy pillow.

Anyway, yea, I love fall.  I even bought some mums. Not as sweet as Saunderskill mums but they are better than nothing. Man...do any of you people realize how long its been since I've had a Hallowine Party? Sigh. I do.

Maybe since its my favorite season, things will start to look brighter as the days get darker. I'm ironic like that. Who knows...maybe I'll get a job at Sonic. 

So, how are you guys doing?