July 25, 2014

Funny Life Things.

There is no greater feeling than to walk into a bar...yes, I know this sounds like a joke....oddly enough, it kinda was.....and see the woman your ex cheated on you with looking like a hot train wreck.  Yep.  Like Garth Brooks said, thank God for unanswered prayers.  She's the reason I left his ass and moved out on Christmas day.  Part of me was offended....20 years later...that he didn't cheat on me with someone better looking than me.  Gah. Part of me was grateful....20 years later...that I left him and never looked back on a relationship with him. Whew.  Part of me....20 years later....was high-fiving myself that I'm still amazing and she looked like she got run over by an 18 wheeler, stood up and got hit again.  Ew.

Anyway, moving on.  Sayonara, suckas!

I've worked my entire summer away.  I know it's only July, but it's JULY!!  I haven't done anything!  No beach!  No tan!  Just work, work, work.  I don't even have a lot of money to show for it either, damn it.  I do have a new Harley, though, so there's that. AND I am going camping this weekend. What started out as a family trip; Amanda, her boyf, my dad, my sister, Abe & I, has now dwindled down to just Abe & I.  This is strange because Abe & I have never been on vacay or a trip alone. We do things alone but never take trips alone. We always have the girls or someone with us.  Now...we might actually be able to have sex and not be in our home!!  What?!  There was no sex in Vegas, no sex in Myrtle Beach, no sex camping.  Blasphemy!

I'm actually looking forward to kayaking around this lake we are camping near.  Should be fun. No wifi, no people, just relaxation. However, if I go missing....someone call 911.   If he goes missing, I was with you. haha!  Oh...I should be careful...some people might think I was serious.  It's called a sense of humor, people!  Get one.

I was chatting with my friend, Randi, about the weird idiosyncrasies we both have.  We think we are twins because we do a lot of the same crazy shit.  For example, when shopping in a grocery store, we don't choose the first item on the shelf.  We grab from behind because other people have probably touched the first one.  I also have a particular way of placing my items on the conveyor belt.  Abe & Amanda laugh at me, but I like it to be easy when I'm putting groceries away.  All the cold refrig things are in one bag so I don't have to hunt through 20 other bags before I find the butter.

Also, when Randi & I are using public restrooms, we tear off the first section of toilet paper before grabbing our piece because someone may have touched it.  Ew. I can't even imagine what lives on that dangling piece of tp or who the last troll..ahem...or train wreck..was that touched it.  I certainly don't want any of that touching my cave of wonders. haha!

Ok.  I'm finished laughing about the crotch reference, now I'm going to hyper focus on other weird stuff. Like, I need two towels when I shower.  One for my hair and one for my body.  I look at Amanda, who only uses one for her body, and shudder.  How can she stand the water dripping from her hair? 

I eat the chocolate off a 3 Musekteers bar and then I'll eat the whipped stuff.  Sometimes I'll smush the whipped stuff in my fingers before eating it, too. The same goes for a Twix.  I eat the caramel off first and then the cookie.  Mmmmm....yum....candy.

I rearrange things on the table at a restaurant.  I fix the salt, pepper, sugar, jelly, menus, silverware, whatever.  I put it the way it should be.  Then I can relax and enjoy my dinner. haha

I also touch everything in a store.  I think because, when I was little, my parents wouldn't let me touch ANYTHING!  Now....after all of those years of denial...I touch it all!  Plus, I also have this weird thing about touch.  I love the sense of touch but because of testing my blood sugar so much, the tips of my fingers have lost a lot of their feeling.  This makes me REALLY touch, or pet, if you will, so watch out.

Alright, well I'm off for my weekend in nature with my life packed in the car.  I probably don't need that much to camp with but I'm an overachiever.  Besides, who says we won't need funky colored flames emitting from the campfire. Psh. Not me. 


July 8, 2014

Halfway Nuts.

There was a time in my life when I loved camping.  I would go camping every summer in Gardiner with the fam and LOVED it.  It was the 70's, we slept in a tent, on the ground and Ma cooked toast over the campfire.  Those were some of my favorite memories growing up.  Even though there was that time when my arm was in a cast and a rooster attacked me on the merry go round.  Or that time when I was on my way to the store to buy wax bottles and a spider chased me down the path.  Or that time when Richard the gander bit me on the cheek.  Gee...no wonder why I'm afraid of birds and spiders. 

There was a time in my life where I loved NOT camping.  I would rather sleep in a fluffy bed, take a real shower, eat in a restaurant and shave my legs.  I didn't think about camping.  I lived in Vegas.  If I travelled anywhere, I'd book a hotel room.  A tent was the furthest thing from my mind.

Funny how life comes back around.  Like how we all should have kept our clothes from the 80's because we'd be back in fashion several times over by now.  Now I love camping again. It started a couple of years ago when I bought a tent from my friend, Laura.  That purchase set off the madness and shopping at the Coleman Outlet became fun. There was a time when shopping at DSW or Gap was fun.  Now, I can't wait until the end of the month when I can sleep in a tent, shower in flip flops, eat smores and have no wifi.  Crazy, right? I have no idea where all my shoes are but I do know where my camping stove is.  Sigh.

I'm still vintage, like back in the 70's.  No, I'm not talking about 'landscaping'....I keep that in check. I'm talking about sleeping in a tent.  That's real camping to me.  Who knows? Maybe one day I'll want to upgrade to an RV.  Like..when I can't pick my old ass up off the tent floor. 

Speaking of getting old.  I wonder if I'll be one of those old ladies that sit in their easy chair watching 'Wheel for Fortune'.  I doubt it because I'm still pissed at them for not picking Bill & I for the show.  Psh.  We would have rocked that wheel AND made the show fun but whatever.  Screw you, Pat Sajak.  I'm watching the 'Price is Right'. Anyway.  I wonder if I'll have a bunch of cats and be bat shit crazy, too.  I kind of hope so.  I think that'd be really fun.

In my head, though, I'm going to be a cool ass grandma who wears hats, funky clothes & a lot of jewelry.  Who spends all her time outside with her grandkids playing, exploring & creating and when inside, making cookies, coloring & drinking tea.  Yea.  That's the old lady I want to be.

I'm pretty sure that I'll be slightly nuts and Abe & Amanda will forget me in a lawn chair outside where I'll sit for hours in some world of my own making. I'm obviously feeling old today.  Like premenopausal old.  Blah. Or maybe I'm already halfway nuts.

So, does anyone know why Google thinks it knows what I'm looking for?  And, does anyone know why Google thinks I'm a retard?  I swear.  I could type 'Where is' and get a plethora of crazy things that I already know where they are or would never want to know where they are?  Are these things people are asking?  Albeit  ALOT of people?  So much so that 'Where am I?' comes up?  Are there that many people who don't know where they are?  Ugh.  And I'm a blonde.

I'm tired.  Of paying bills I can't afford, of working so much I'm missing summer and of eating nothing but gaining weight.  Maybe I've spent my whole life under the misconception that life was meant for having fun, doing what you love, loving what you do, having adventures and being happy.  Why the hell didn't anyone tell me life was hard?!?! haha!

Oy vey. Anyway...back to work.  I've got nonsense to do. 


July 7, 2014

I Don't Live There Anymore...

Here's my Sunday Sermon a day late.

Recently, I have been aware of people and their tendency to judge.  It seems to be something that people do to make themselves feel better about either a situation or a past mistake of their own. 

No one is perfect.  This is a sad, yet blatantly true, fact.  Everyone has made mistakes.  Everyone has hurt someone.  Everyone has made the wrong choice.  Everyone has chosen the wrong words or actions.  Everyone has something to be blamed for.  Everyone has guilt.  Everyone.

So, who has the right to place judgment on anyone?  No one...yet...people do. All the time. I tend to believe that it's an ego gratifying way for a person to feel better about themselves..but why?  Insecurity? Jealousy? Fear?  Probably all three, and many more.

There's a quote that says 'Judging someone does not define them.  It defines you.'  We often judge others by how we perceive ourselves.  We know our secrets.  We know our faults.  Yet, it's easier to sit in judgment than to be accountable for our own actions.  We have no idea how we would act until we were put in the same situation as the person we are judging.  We have no idea of their journey, their path, their experience. 

Personally, I have been judged for things that occurred in my past but guess what?  I don't live there anymore.  As long as you never intentionally set out to hurt someone, which I don't think many people do.  As long as you are a good person and strive to be a good person, you're doing great.  Better than most!  As long as you have learned from your past mistakes, actions, words, and make a point to change, you're above most.  So, be proud in your journey.  That is what should define you. Not the words of someone lesser than you who has no other way to feel good about themselves and let go.

And really....who cares what they say or how they feel?  They obviously don't and neither do I.


June 10, 2014

A Few of My Favorite Things!

It's time for 'My Favorite Things'!  It's been a long time so here I go.  Let's see what I can conjure up.

1.  Sonic's Diet Cherry Limeade - This shit is delish.  It's summer in a cup.  I'm a non-soda, rare energy, occasional tea, definitely never juicy or Kool-Aid sipper. I'm a coffee and water drinker.  Period.  The end. But.  This stuff is the first drink, in a very long time, that I actually love.

2.  Cool Gear Sedici Fruit Infuser Tumbler - Whew.  That's a mouthful.....of fruity goodness!  Instead of buying the flavored waters, now I make my own.  Many thanks to my friend, Jill, for this gift.  Love it.  Blueberries, cucumbers, strawberries, melon...anything!  Healthy and full of vitamins.  Yum.

3.  Dirty Jobs - Having temporarily moved into a shanty, this stuff is amazing.  The entire house was a dirty job and this stuff saved me from skeeving out...daily. 

4.  Revlon Colorstay Liquid Eye Pen - I always have had cat eyes way before the trend kicked in and this stuff is amazingly on point.  Pencil is too thick and smoky, I don't have a steady enough hand for liquid but this is the best of both worlds.  I've recommended this to many and will continue. 

5.  '05 Harley-Davidson Softail Standard - It's ours!  Finally a bike we can ride together.  I'm not going to don leather, tassles and get neck tattoos but I do love being on a bike.  I especially love being on a bike with Abe.  Four years ago I would have never imagined being on a bike and working at a Harley shop but here I am...and it's my favorite.

6.  Puma's - I bought my first & only pair in Florence, Italy and I've loved them for 7 years.  Now I'm trying to find an exact replacement.  That's how much I love them.  These are about done but I won't give them up until I find a new pair.

7.  Gap Jeans - I have long legs.  I have a small waist.  There is also a fat ass and thunder thighs thrown into that healthy girl mix.  Gap Jeans are long enough and hug my curves like a jean glove.  You can't go wrong with a pair of Gap Jeans - my fav - 1969. Ha.

8.  Honest People - Over the past couple of years, I have come in contact with quite a few liars.  No one likes a liar but my feelings on it go above and beyond.  Because I am a truth teller, I'm the one who has no problem and doesn't blink and eye when calling a liar out.  Which I do....a lot.  So, most who know me, know to tell the truth.  I am smart.  I am fearless. I am confrontational. If you don't want to be called out - don't lie.  There's usually no reason and no gain, the truth always comes out and it makes you look like a big ass loser. I have much more respect for those who, even in hard times, tell the truth.  Kudos for honesty.

9.  Hiking - I love the woods.  Love them!  I could build a shanty and just hang out in the woods all the time.  I love hiking.  It's like a mini-adventure and it's so cool when I find surprising things!  Like a cave with snow on the ground.  Or a cave you could walk into and see a river.  Buy a pair of hiking boots and take a walk in the woods.  Let your eyes see the beauty and amaze at nature.  It's worth it.

10.  Fairy Lights - Ok, Ok, they aren't fairy lights.  They are white christmas lights but I love stringing them up on my back deck.  It's a fun, romantic, quirky light for those evenings when you want to sit outside and listen to the night.  Plus, it's instant decor for house party's.

11.  Abe's Recliner - I finally broke down and fulfilled Abe's recliner wish.  He's already like an 80 year old man so why not. haha!  We have a recliner and not only does he love it, I love it, Amanda loves it and so does Fred.  It's a win/win.  I didn't go the full blown grandpa La-Z-Boy.  It's a cute sage green recliner that matches my couch and is adorbs.  Thanks to Nancy for this gem. 

12.  Omni Pod - After not having health insurance for a year...that's right...a YEAR!  I am finally back on an insulin pump. While my A1C was that bad after a year of free flying - it's was 7.8.  I am usually better than that.  I range between a 6.8 and a 7.1.  So.  Shooting up is not the way for me to go.  I'm pretty sure stress, drama and chaos didn't help matters either.  But, now...now!! I'm back to getting healthy.  Me and Omni are reunited and it feels so good.  Oh...and did I mention it's SMALLER!! Yay!

13.  Cinnamon Cawfee - While I love Cinnamon Coffee, I hate Dunkin' Donuts.  They stopped serving cinnamon....but kept coconut.  What?  The?  Hell!!!  I do love the Blueberry Coffee still but sometimes I like something different and Cinnamon was the choice. DD stole my choice but I still love Cinnamon and will buy my own K-Cups.  Hmph.

14.  Blueberry Bagels - Love them.  Love blueberry's.  The end.

15.  My glassers - Love the crap out of these because I'm seriously going blind.  This is what I get for bragging to Amanda - who has had glassers since Middle School - about my 20/20 perfect vision.  Over 40 sucks and now I can't see....when I'm not wearing my blue glassers.

16.  Pedicures - They make me nervous because Diabetes + Feet = Potential Danger but I love pedicures.  I dig the massage chair.  I dig the scrubby/scrapy thing that gets all the scrubby dead skin off and I dig the fact that they can give me a flawless French Pedicure.  What I don't love is when I ask for flowers.  They are always lame.  That is a lesson learned.  No flowers. 

17.  Good Health - I don't go to the gym regularly.  I have a tendency to be lazy.  I eat junk food and drink way too much coffee.  I have had Type 1 Diabetes for 28 years - almost 29.  But, I am healthy.  Granted, my teeth are falling out and my thyroid has taken a shit right along with my pancreas but all else is good.  Kidneys, Liver, Vitamin D, Cholesterol, Eyes, Heart, Iron...my body is fighting this disease like champ. 

18.  Colorful Pens - My boss calls me a hippie but it's the little things that make me smile.  Signing documents in pink ink....why not?  You only live once.

19.  This Hat - I saw it in Woodstock and didn't have $36 extra dollars to buy it.  So, a quick snapshot, an angry shop worker and a memory.  But, it's my favorite hat...even if it's pink.

20.  Taffy - I love my car.  She's old.  She's paid for.  She's has blind spots.  She's beat the hell up but this is the best car I've ever had.  Poor Taffy has been from San Diego to New York, from Nevada to Washington and everywhere in between. Still running, still peppy, still carting my gypsy ass around and them some.  I really owe this car an amazing detailing. 

What are some of your favorite things?  I may want to try them!


May 23, 2014


I'm a pretty easy person to get along with.....if you have a sense of humor....AND....if you don't get all pissified over hearing the truth. Those are the two things everyone should know about me...friends, co-workers, family, associates, strangers..whomever. I ALWAYS speak the truth and then I laugh about it.

Here are some other things you should know about me before we become BFF's.

I sing badly.
I will eat an entire package of Double Stuf Oreos in one sitting.

I suck the air out of Cheese Puffs.
Fake nails remind me of corpses.

I dress like a homeless person and my shoes smell.
I rarely buy myself stuff and that is why the above is real.

I have no problem cutting toxic people out of my life. Do me wrong..you are gone. It's that simple.
I have a mustache.

I hate shopping for everything except groceries and house stuff.
I have no skill at doing hair. Mine or anyone else's.

I'm always broke.
I want to go to bed at 8pm every night. Every night. I'm tired.

Now...when do you want to hang out? haha


January 24, 2014

Erin Bo Braless

I know some people are lost in time.  In fact, I have never been more aware of this until I moved back home.  I still see mullets....waist high acid wash jeans....blue eye shadow....pancake faced women.....men in their 40's still cheating on their girlfriends with girls in their 20's while standing around the local bar pool table drinking bottled beer.  Total time warp.  But what really cinched it for me today was seeing a car with a bra on it.  Really? 

I'll be the first to admit that I had a Pontiac Sunfire, cobalt blue, with personalized license plates that had twinkly lights flashing around it, a sunroof, Salt & Pepper blasting from the cassette player and a black bra.  Yes.  It's true.  I also had a spiral perm and black kohl eyeliner all the way around my eyes.  But....this was 1987!!!! Come the hell on! It's 2014.  Some shit should be left to die.. Like all of those dead horses above...let them rest in peace.  Please.   

Go braless. 

PS....that car was for sale.  #notbuying

So, let's update.  My landlord crashed my Ladies Brunch in December.  It was so funny to see this crazy, little, Jewish guy to come walking in.  He is truly a hoot.  He's just nuts which is probably why he likes me renting his apartment. But, it was kind of awkward because there were about 15 ladies drinking mimosas & he comes strutting in.  Now that I think about it, I wonder if he was trying to get lucky.....anyway, he made a comment that stuck in my brain.

'It's hard being a woman.  Women care about everything.' 

I didn't really pay much attention at the time because..well....because I was tipsy, but here I am...months later...considering that comment.  He's right.  Being a woman sucks.  Caring about everything is just the icing on our crapcake.  But, such is life. My therapist told me I care too much...more than an average person. I don't think that's great but I don't think its bad either. You should care about life.  You only have one and the things in it are what makes it amazing so please care! However,  there is a lot I don't care about. 

I don't care about people trying to control lives when they can't even control their own.  
I don't care about mean & hateful people who are so judgmental but their lives are full of nothing.
I don't care about people having an opinion on my life because, if you aren't paying my bills, your opinion means nothing.
I don't care that you don't appreciate my sense of humor.  I have one.  All the time.  In good or bad times and you know what? That's one of my favorite things about myself.  Maybe you should do an Amber Alert for your sense of humor.
I don't care that your life is so miserable that you have to attack mine.
I don't care if you don't like me.
I don't care about the past because that's what makes us who we are.
I don't deliberately set out to hurt people but if you hurt me, or attack me, be prepared for a shit storm.  I don't care what people think about that either. 

Moving on.  

I have a new job.  I'm back at Harley loving what I do.  Marketing, Social Media, Events....it's what I'm good at and I love it.  The last job I had that brought me back to NY was crap.  They told me I was too friendly for customer service.  Umm...what?  Really?  They also said I need to learn to think inside the box.  Umm....never.  I'm glad that job brought be home but I'm also glad not to be working there anymore.

I'm in the process of mending my relationship and finding a house.  Both are a lot of work.  But, I forgive people.  I always have.  I'd hate to be someone who doesn't, who holds grudges and who carries it with them their entire life. That shit is poison.  Let it go.  Forgive.  Life's too short.  Besides, everyone makes mistakes and we both did.  But, I don't love lightly.  I haven't had a slew of relationships, I don't throw the words around and when I truly let you in, you're in for life.  He's in.  

Now, I have until the end of May to find a house.  This is causing me a load of stress but, as usual, everything will work out.  

My kid is still amazing.  She graduated college, made the Presidents List, got a scholarship to Mt. Saint Mary's, all the while holding down a job and a relationship.  She is taking on the world with her smile and heart.  I look at other kids her age and am so thankful I raised her right. I'm so stinkin' proud of her.  ❤️������

Im back hanging with my best friend and this makes me very happy.  We have been friends since 6th grade. We grew up and are growing old together.  Like I said...once you're in, you're in.

I'm in love with my dog, Jack.  I've spent a ton of money. Thanks to donations and my wallet, he is now a handsome boy.  I cannot believe anyone would have dumped this love bug.  He's so cute and fun.  I used to be a cat lady...now I'm a dog lady, too.  Maybe I'm just an animal lady.  Who knows?

Anyway.  That's the recap of my life. Having an amazing daughter. Loving my life. Dealing with bullshit..as always.  People being ignorant.  Love always winning.  Loving my job.  Looking forward to the future.  

Plus, it's FINALLY getting warm!  



November 19, 2013

Mostly Dead is Slightly Alive.

I started working again. After 6 months of unemployment, I have to say....I've gotten used to sleeping late, nap time, doing what I want. Working kind of sucks.

But, until I hit lotto or marry a rich Dr, it's something I have to do it. Sigh. 

So, to make up for the fact that I am no longer 'free' and have to answer to 'the man', I find humor.  Always. With everything. In every situation. I find humor....because if I don't, I won't survive.  No, seriously, I won't. I'm convinced that the moment I don't find some glimpse of humor in life, I will be mostly dead.

Luckily for me, new job has about 700 employees. This means TONS of humor ops! Tons.

For example, the lunch lady sounds like the boss slug lady from Monsters, Inc. and I LOVE her. She is always happy, singing, dancing, making jokes...always entertaining. Today she was singing. I had to laugh and tell her she had a wonderful voice. She cackled at me and said 'Oh, no I don't and I don't care. I'm singing anyway.' Her name is Edna but I'm calling her Roz from now on. She's my favorite. Makes me love lunch time even more.

Check out Roz here ➡️  http://youtu.be/RtWBlDC2-ss

Today I was in one of the break rooms eating my lunch. I could have joined the class in the cafeteria but I wanted to be alone. I was in one of those moods today. Anyway, it's dark in this room, there's a couch and the TV is always on The Food Network. I sat on the couch, put my feet up, was slurping down leftover pasta and some girl comes and sits next to me. Ok. That's cool. It's a big couch and she wasn't invading my personal space. She put her iPod on, buds in her ears and was content on her own. Awesome! Until....she starts snoring. Seriously? I love naps, too, but really? Snorey McSnoreson finally woke up and left. I had to giggle. I hope her power nap worked.

Needless to say, there is endless entertainment for me at work. It may not be my dream job but it's better entertainment than people watching at the mall.  I mean, I get paid for this.